Notes from the book "Leadership and Self-Deception"

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

p31,1p.  "People skills" are only effective if you're putting their needs [at least -rje] equal to yours.

i.e., seeing them as people with legitimate needs.

["don't be a jerk" -rje]

p148 This is how you get out of "the Box".

DETAILS

p32,4p People respond to how we feel about them.  (p44,9p) ...not what we do so much as how we're being.

p33,7-9p Are their needs important?

p37,1p We always look at others in one of two fundamental ways: as people, or as objects/nuisances.

ACTION ITEM: p43 How many names in your division do you know?  Why should you care?

p68 "Self-betrayal" is: 1. when you have a sense of doing something for others but don't do it, 2. then vilify the other, 3. or feel like a victim.  Both reactions are to push your guilt onto someone else by justifying our sin.  [In the long run this makes things worse and complicated. -rje]

p77,6p. How the Process Works

1. betrayal of conscience ["sin" -rje]
2. conscience accuses
3. divert blame; justify
4. get angry at others b/c they're to blame
5. people now don't seem to deserve help

The Box' Nature

pp98-100 "In the box" behavior encourages "in the box" from others.  This state is dysfunctional.  It undermines relationships.  It makes you destructive.

"The box" wants to be fed by others' poor behavior.  Its need is to have others behave badly too.  It seeks to be justified by others' bad behavior.

ACTION ITEM p103,7p I'm not doing anyone a favor by letting them run over me.

OTOH if I'm in the box, then I get just what I need, if someone runs over me. I get justification. And we're both miserable.